onionbagblog

Righto - so you’ve read the blow-by-blow tweets of how @LambethLabour won @lambeth_council (or probably didn’t get past the first half dozen tweets before thinking sod this for a game of democracy.)

But what of the reality? In the cold light of the brave new South London morning, waking up to another four years of squeaky clean Nu Labour in Lambeth, how did the afternoon, evening and early hours (cripes) *really* pan out at Lambeth Town Hall?

First things first - it was freakish seeing the speed of how of a local election door knocking campaign soon becomes a dirty (and just about democratic) fist fight, right though until last man (or even woman) standing.

Lambeth politics is tribal. The Town Hall had the two rivals camps on opposite sides of the room. It was spooky to see the similarity in how both tribes congregated in roughly the same physical manner in which they are allocated seats in the council chamber itself.

Within this geographical stand off there were divisions within divisions. Local politicians align themselves with other people in power who will be of benefit to their cause.

It’s all about the Little People, isn’t it?

Probably so for *most* of the nail biters who had to hang around, waiting for the results from their ward to be declared. All of that whooping, fist pumping and yes, even finger pointing in some cases - I do hope that these were acts of expression in wanting to actually achieve positive results at the hyperlocal patch, and not some form of poxy little party political game.

The exception to this animal instinct was the stone-faced party representatives. Oh yes, let it not be said that Lambeth doesn’t have room for the real politick posturing behind the scenes in the dark art of unlected, and unaccountable political spin.

I have questioned over recent days if the bit part players that are the local politicians are actually capable of producing some of the extreme filth that has been handed out on the doorstep, all in the name of local democracy.

I observed within the tribal groupings at the count a number of Mandy like figures who I haven’t seen in the borough for the past four years. These are the buggers within the party apparatus that try and shift the agenda away from real, positive change, to becoming nothing but a means to an end in winning local elections.

Looking at the results of the Lambeth local elections and you can’t but help thinking that it has been a job well done, boys.

Ah yes, about those results…

@janeinlondon / East Hampshire was really rather delightful. Of course I would say that as she is now my local Oval ward Councillor.

Cripes!

Seriously, seriously - many congratulations. My objections to political careerists (and Jane isn’t the only one) have been well documented, but the girl had the balls (arf!) to look me in the eye and offer me a handshake.

Very, very decent of her.

I wish her and the splendid Jack Hopkins all the best now that they are elected, and I look forward to the Oval area continuing to improve, with two @LambethLabour Councillors who clearly have a tremendous enthusiasm to bring a positive agenda to my little patch of South London.

Hang on - *two* @LambethLabour Oval councillors you say? I thought there was safety in numbers with three per ward?

Yep, the Town Hall count for my hyperlocal patch of South London was all a bit loopy. One by one, the results were read out as @lambeth_council Chief Exec Derrick Anderson was made to work hard for his annual £218,870 salary.

Ferndale, Prince’s, Coldharbour - the 21 wards that make up the borough boundary map were read out. All except for the Oval that is.

We started off with @janeinlondon (OK, let’s drop the E Hants) having the civility of telling me that although they were positive, a shift from the sitting three @LambethLibDems councillors was unlikely.

The three @LambethLabour candidates were incredibly dedicated on the actual evening, observing the count vote by vote, and making sure that no irregularities or slips took place (um… hindsight it a wonderful thing.)

I was disappointed to see that only Ishbel Brown had turned up for the count for @LambethLibDems. I’m not sure of the circumstances, but Claudette Hewitt and (ex) Councillor Sawdon weren’t in the building.

10pm, and yet still no Oval declaration. 11pm and I was thinking of last orders. Midnight and I should have been back at SW8 base and back in bed.

With every other ward now declared, the announcement came through that the Oval was going to a recount.

Cripes.

@LambethLabour had rightfully called for this, with the first round of counting too close to call:

LibDem Brown - 2270

Labour Edbrooke - 2191

LibDem Hewitt - 2161

Labour Hopkins - 2158

LibDem Sawdon - 2110

Ah - look at the first letters in those name: B, E, H, H and S. It’s almost like teaching the Nursery kids the A-Z back in the day job. Surely, surely, the electorate has the sense to vote for candidates and their policies, rather than the alphabetical order in which they appear on the ballot paper?

Um, don’t they?

Anyway - the poor @lambeth_council staff took out the trestle tables, and the process of counting every single vote in the Oval ward was underway. Jack Hopkins needed four more votes to topple Claudette Hewitt. Councillor Sawdon seemed dead in the water.

Never underestimate the drama for political twists and turns as the early hours creep up on you within Lambeth Town Hall. Retiring @LambethLibDems @CllrRobBanks found a bundle of fifty LibDem papers that has been allocated a red Labour wrapper during the first count.

Blimey!

How the chuffers do you misplace FIFTY votes! The result had swung, and an overall LibDem control of the Oval looked likely.

To lose one bundle of ballot papers is unfortunate; to lose two is careless but to lose THREE? That’s exactly what happened as the Town Hall clock chimed out two ‘o clock in the morning.

@LambethLabour found a missing red bundle, leaving the original result standing once again. And then the double whammy for @LambethLibDems was a second unaccounted red bundle being put into the pile, and putting in place two @LambethLabour Oval councillors and one @LambethLibDem.

I’m not sure why the third @LambethLabour candidate, Karim Palant didn’t pick up as many votes as his colleges, but I would wager that the positioning of P in the alphabet in his second name was the downfall of the poor chap.

*some* voters go into the polling booth, for example, with the decision to vote two Labour and one Green. You scan down the list and make the quickest of choices. I have already advised Wolfgang Moneypenny, spokesperson for @FreeSouthLondon, to change his name to Andy A***hole ahead of his intention to run for Mayor of London in two years time.

And so that just about wrapped up the evening. A jubilant Jack Hopkins (and rightly so, fine fella) was last seen disappearing down the environs of Coldharbour Lane with the rest of the Nu Labour bright young things to go on a right f***ing bender carry out his first load of casework.

Democracy in Lambeth?

*mmm* - just about.

See you again in four years.

Yeah, right…

“I hear you’re moving out of the area,” remarked Jack the Lad as we shook hands along Coldharbour yet.

You don’t get rid of me that easy…